irvine’s been amazing since september. stressful, yet fun.
stressful parts? trying to figure out what i wanna do. still don’t know what i’m passionate about academically. i mean, i like things but i don’t know waht i want to devote my time and effort at college to. i mean i want to work with how i think, how i process, but i still don’t know. like, of course my mothers on my case about getting a job after, and doing what i truly want to do after getting a degree in something that i dont like, but makes money. heeeelll naw. why waste my time. yes, employment and grad school is a goal of mine, but i want to do it in something that works for me, not her little get rich quick kinda things.
i still haven’t found my niche outside of academics yet. i dunno about kaba, like its tight, but maybe not for me? i mean im down for my culture, but im a diversity-centered person. i want to do mcia sooo badly, but of course, now fear and self doubt has gotten the best of me, when usually dance is my audition forte. i dunno, maybe im thinking to much. well, actually i know i am. haha.
relationship wise, i dont want one. like, it kind of those ‘i wish i’ve experienced it already” kinda things, but at this point in my life, with the chaos of uci, i dont think i can handle it. i mean, its first quarter, im down for just kickin it and having fun, but no commitment. which i feel bad, because talking to tracy and such, i feel like my actions toward situations related to this are irresponsible, because i may upset someone, or let myself down, or something. ahh more overthinking.
so that’s what up for now. more growth, and possible set backs, but thats okay.
monday: first essay for humcore due. cadc auditions, dark walk home.
tuesday: marc’s piece at mcia workshops.
wednesday: practice for scene in drama, last mcia :[ piece from kris chow. cha with mcia!
thursday: presented scenes! missed aids for a trip to spectrum and the district with goood people. sad i missed kaba though.
friday: united nations day! haha. fun day krumping at the arc. freakin late night.
saturday; missed friendship games :[ but went to wes’ show in pasadena! dinner at islands with good people.
sunday: audition workshop for mcia! freakin hard.
to do list:
practice mcia dances, make up stuff for the last dance.
scare spencer, or gain peripheral vision.
study for aids and humcore.
do all that essay stuff.
deng, didn’t know how much i wanted to be on mcia until now. i’ll see what happens, right? won’t be crushed if i don’t, but still.
monday: soultero spop 3 reunion at cha/yogurtland! made my week, i love those guys, esp my suite!
tuesday: beginning of a lovely aids discussion class, modern dance midterm, haha.
wednesday: only retained that “babies are parasites” from humcore discussion, went to the arc with jeannie on those random stairmasters, cadc audition workshops, learned last dance.
thursday: kababayan halloween meeting, car rally around irvine’s haunted spots, stayed up not doing homework but just hanging around, talking to whoever was around.
friday: more fun dancing at the arc, albertsons trip, saw yam and the whole moore clan, made gingerbread cottages with kathryn jeannie and ashley for tracy and james’ birthday. went to shocktoberfest pre-show and aftershock for a smidge. registered to vote! danced in the kitchen yet again.
saturday: cadc make up workshops even though im not auditioning, and now trying to get work done.
irvine is treating me well.
